心の丸窓/Round window of the mind(60) Self-Esteem

☞「心の丸窓」は心の杜の医師による心の診療に関するコラムです。

Round window of the mind is  the column about
mental therapy written by doctors of Kokoronomori Shinjuku Clinic.


Low Self-Esteem can be a basis
of various mental issues, such as anxiety, depression, eating disorder, etc. If
your Self-Esteem is low, it would be difficult to have confidence in everything that
you say, that you do, how you can be looked, how you are. You may get anxious
with trivial mistakes or faults. And your self-evaluation of the result of what
you have done would be always low: vicious cycle gets in.

Self-Esteem is developed by
positive feedbacks from people around such as parents through childhood. It is
nothing to do with one’s ability, talent, or looking. Even though your physical
or intellectual ability is lower than the average, if your parents praise your
achievements, Self-Esteem can be developed and raised. But if you are already
an adult and your Self-Esteem is low, what can be the remedy for it?
 

I think the low evaluation is a
result of a high expectation. For example, if you were criticized or
disappointed by your parents with the result of the exam in your school, it
meant your parent’s expectation was higher than the actual result. Similarly,
when you feel disappointed with your result of the sales of the month compared
to your colleague, it meant that you expected you could have beaten him.
 

These high expectation is
different from parent’s basic trust or belief in their child. If the parents
believe in their child, even if their child gets low marks in the
school  exam, they would not lose their belief and trust that their
child has some unique values, which, probably, could not be evaluated by the
school exam.
 

Some of you may feel very
difficult  to give up the high expectation, because you would fear to
lose every value you have if you stop trying to aim for the high standard. It
is also hurting to accept that you can’t expect too much on you. But if you can
manage to give it up, you would see many people around including your family,
friends, and colleagues and your everyday life is still exist and still goes
on. Hopefully, you may find a different worth in such an ordinary but realistic
life.
 

 

(Gugan)

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