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心の丸窓/Round window of the mind(60) Self-Esteem

☞心の丸窓は、心の杜の医師による心の診療に関するコラムです。

Round window of the mind is the column about mental therapy written by doctors of Kokoronomori Shinjuku Clinic.


Low Self-Esteem can be a basis of various mental issues, such as anxiety, depression, eating disorder, etc. If your Self-Esteem is low, it would be difficult to have confidence in everything that you say, that you do, how you can be looked, how you are. You may get anxious with trivial mistakes or faults. And your self-evaluation of the result of what you have done would be always low: vicious cycle gets in.

Self-Esteem is developed by positive feedbacks from people around such as parents through childhood. It is nothing to do with one's ability, talent, or looking. Even though your physical or intellectual ability is lower than the average, if your parents praise your achievements, Self-Esteem can be developed and raised. But if you are already an adult and your Self-Esteem is low, what can be the remedy for it?
 

I think the low evaluation is a result of a high expectation. For example, if you were criticized or disappointed by your parents with the result of the exam in your school, it meant your parent's expectation was higher than the actual result. Similarly, when you feel disappointed with your result of the sales of the month compared to your colleague, it meant that you expected you could have beaten him.
 

These high expectation is different from parent's basic trust or belief in their child. If the parents believe in their child, even if their child gets low marks in the school  exam, they would not lose their belief and trust that their child has some unique values, which, probably, could not be evaluated by the school exam.
 

Some of you may feel very difficult  to give up the high expectation, because you would fear to lose every value you have if you stop trying to aim for the high standard. It is also hurting to accept that you can't expect too much on you. But if you can manage to give it up, you would see many people around including your family, friends, and colleagues and your everyday life is still exist and still goes on. Hopefully, you may find a different worth in such an ordinary but realistic life. 

 

(Gugan)

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